Chapter 4

Bella

Esme stared at me, her light brown, almost golden eyes scrutinizing my face. Her eyes went back and forth across my face, her looks and glances were of a nostalgic nature, and I found myself longing for her motherly affection.

I was never lucky in the mother department. Renee, as I came to call her ever since I turned nine years old, was not the mothering type. She was selfish, flighty, and a narcissist. She only cared for herself, her needs, and her desires. It was actually a miracle that I was able to take care of myself when I was living with her. In her eyes, I was never good enough, or pretty enough, or useful enough.

When I moved to Forks, the first time Alice and Rosalie invited me for a sleepover at the Cullen's house, them stating that Alice's mother was going to be a part of it, I was shocked. For starters, I have never had a sleepover, hell I've never even had friends when I was living with Renee in Phoenix. I was dubbed the shy, isolated, bookworm girl who doesn't have a life outside of the library. So, when I went to their house for the sleepover party, and I found how wonderful the company of them, especially Esme's, it was a ritual for us to have a weekly sleepover; with Esme playing along. She was actually kind to me when the shit hit the fan with me, always calling and checking up on me from Charlie. But the way I was hurt and betrayed by Alice and Edward made me blind to see the sweetness and kindness of the others.

Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie were actually on my side. As a matter of fact, Alice and Jasper had a bit of a fall out because he was trying to convince her to use her rational mind before accusing me without solid proof. Of course, Jasper's words fell off of deaf ears. And Emmett would always wait for me by my truck, asking how I was doing, and if I needed anything.

At first, I appreciated their nice gestures, but later on, as I felt the pity in their words and saw it in their eyes, I resented it; and resented them. I became even more isolated and a loner than I already was. Always spending my time in the school library, and storming to my truck as soon as the final bell rang.

Finally, they stopped talking to me; only sending me sad and pitiful looks.

I was pulled out of my reverie with Esme's caring voice, "How have you been, dear?" she asked, her motherly voice warming me up like a cup of warm milk in a cold night.

"Uh, I'm good, Esme. H- how about you?" I asked, my voice a little rough and hesitant. She smiled a warm smile as she fully ushered herself in.

"I'm fine, dear." She answered, looking at Charlie.

"How about you, chief?" she smiled.

"I'm as healthy as a horse, Esme." He said with a weak smile. I rolled my eyes and huffed. Of course he would take the matter lightly.

"Would you stop joking around with this, Charlie?" I gritted, my nerves betraying me with my harsh words. I saw his smile fall, and I smacked my forehead as I inwardly cursed myself. I leaned toward him, kissing his forehead and giving him a light squeeze.

"I'm sorry, I'm talking shit today." I sighed, clenching my eyes shut, to prevent any tears from falling down. I felt him squeeze me back, and lean toward me.

"It's okay, Bells. I know how stressed you are. Maybe you should go and talk with Esme for a while." He said. I pulled back, looking at him. He nodded once, giving a small smile. I sighed, nodding and kissed his forehead again.

"I'll be outside, if you need me." I promised. He shook his head.
"Go home, Bells. I'm going to sleep off anyway; I'm a little tired. And Lizzie would want you around." I grimaced, giving him a sad look,

"I'm guessing Esme knows, too?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"Yes. She knows." He gave a sheepish look. I kissed his cheek, lingering for a few seconds, "What am I going to do with you, old man?"

"I'm everything but old." He deadpanned, looking offended. I chuckled, shaking my head at his antics.
"Okay. I'll leave. But if anything happens before tomorrow, call me; understand?" I gave Carlisle a firm look.

He nodded his promise.

"Okay, I'm off. See ya later, pops." I kissed the palm of his hand. He smiled sadly, "See ya kiddo." He yawned.

I walked toward the door, Esme on my heels. I went out and she was right behind me, Carlisle closing the door behind us.

We started walking in the hallway, an awkward silence surrounding us. As we rounded the corner, I felt Esme's hand on my arm. I stopped, turning and looking at her. She gave a small smile, squeezing my hand lightly, then spoke.

"Bella, I know it's not a good time for this but I was wondering if we could have a few minutes to talk?" she asked, her eyes pleading with me to say yes. I sighed, thinking of what Charlie said. She already knows about Lizzie being here with me, so there was no use playing around the bush. Besides, Alice and later Edward will soon find out that the lie I told Alice was just that, a lie. That is if Alice had the time to tell Edward anyway.

"Okay. Sure." I said. She smiled wider, hooked her arm to mine and we walked down the stairs, with the cafeteria as our destination.

XxXxX

We sat at a table, me taking a small bite of an apple, and Esme munchin on a turkey sandwich. I grimaced as I watched her eat.

"How do you swallow that hospital crap?" I asked, she gave a loud laugh, covering her mouth before any food fell off. She glared at me playfully.

"Warn a person before you joke, will you Bella." She said, chewing on the tire-like meat. I rolled my eyes, taking another bite of the apple.

We sat a few more minutes in silence. I kept glancing at Esme, to find her eyebrows furrowed in concentration; as if she were trying to put her thoughts in order before voicing them.
"We're glad you're back, Bella." She started, her voice quite. I raised an eyebrow.
"We as in…?"

"As in all of us. Emmett actually whooped and fisted the air when he knew you were back." She gave a small smile. Unintentionally, I grinned; finding Emmett's jovial behavior soothing, even though I haven't seen him yet.

"Of course. I mean, he's only Emmett." She grinned back.

"He actually wanted to come with me to see you and check on Charlie, but Jasper told him to wait, you know, give you some space." She said with a knowing look.

I nodded, giving a smile. Jasper has always been our shrink, always giving advices from psychological perspective, communicating with your inner soul with words of wisdom. He was also characterized with his calm demeanor, which he could affect people's feelings or emotions to some level. I swear the man had an empathetic power.

"Yeah, leave it to Jasper to play Dr. Phil." I looked at Esme to see her smiling.

"He is Dr. Phil, or more like Dr. Whitlock, Masters in psychology." She said.

"Really? Wow that sure does fit him. Wasn't he planning on becoming a history teacher, specifically a civil war major?" I asked, my eyes wide.

"Yes. But he realized that psychology is a better route for him." She shrugged. I nodded, finding ourselves turning back to the awkward silence. However, the silence was broken by her next words.

"How's Lizzie?" she asked. I looked up to see her gazing at me with both excitement and sadness. I sighed, giving a small smile.

"She's great. The best things to exist in my life." She gave me a wide grin, nodding.

"I know how you feel. You never know the value of children until you become a parent yourself." She whispered, having a far off look on her face; probably remembering her motherly moments.

"Yeah. There's no doubt about that." I whispered back.

"Edward found out, you know." She started and I sighed again.

"Yes. Alice told me when she came to see me." I watched as her face contorted in guilt. "Sorry about her, Bella. Carlisle and Jasper warned her not to contact you yet, but you know how she is." Esme gave me an apologetic smile. I nodded.

"Nothing can stop hurricane Alice." I mumbled. Esme burst out laughing, making me join her with a quite chuckle. "Nothing sure can." She hiccupped, her eyes filling with tears of laughter. After a few moments of laugh aftermath, Esme's expression became both serious and hopeful.

"Can I see her, Bella?" she asked, her eyes hopeful and begging. I stared at her, not knowing how to answer her. They will see her eventually. My subconscious pointed. I took a deep breath, and spoke.

"I was planning on bringing her to see Charlie tomorrow. She misses him, and he misses her, too. It would actually be good for her to see Carlisle. I'm just not sure how she'll react." I mused, hoping that it wouldn't be a mistake.

"That would be perfect, Bella. Lizzie would see Carlisle and me, and it would be like an airbag. We could lighten the crash with the rest; so to speak."

Great expression there, Esme. It sure will be a crash.

"Maybe. I'm not so sure. Especially after what I told Alice." I pointed, planning on telling her the vicious lie I told Alice. She looked at me with sympathetic eyes.

"I know. She told me. And even though it was a harsh thing to say, none of us can judge you for what you've said. Sometimes, we say things because we are angry or hurt in order to hurt the ones who caused us pain. And we all know how much pain you went through when it all happened. It took Edward and Alice a year to get it through their thick skulls to believe that it wasn't you, and they regret it to this day. I'm not trying to lower down your pain, but I'm asking you to give them another chance. If not for your relationship with them then for Lizzie's sake." She took my hand in hers and squeezed it gently. I sighed, squeezing her hand back.
"I hear what you're saying, but I can't just forgive them for what they did. They hurt me, Esme, more than anyone ever had. I would go as far as telling you that what Renee did to me compares nothing to what they did to me. I knew the minute Charlie was sick and I was back home, that encountering them was inevitable. And I plan on being as civil with them as I can be for the sake of my daughter. But to easily forgive them? I don't know about that." I said, blowing out a breath as I stared at her. She nodded, giving me an understanding smile.

"I understand, Bella. All I'm asking is for you to try." She squeezed my hand again. I nodded "I'll try. For my girl." She smiled.

"Good. Now, you should go home and get some rest. I'll come by tomorrow and see little Lizzie with Carlisle. Hope that's okay?"

"Sure. You've always been good to me, Esme. I'm sorry for ever being a bitch to you." I apologized.

"Oh, hush. You were hurting and it was completely normal for you to lash out on everyone. Now, go home, and I'll see you tomorrow." She smiled, getting up. I got up too and she pulled me into one of her bone crushing motherly hugs. I felt my eyes well up with tears as I hugged her back. Oh how I missed her motherly affection. We pulled back; she gave me a sweet smile and a kiss on the cheek.

I smiled back, giving her my cell number. She gave me hers and promised to call me in the morning. Before I left we checked up on Charlie to find him sleeping peacefully. Carlisle hugged me before I left, leading Esme to his office.

As I drove the car back home, I thought of what Esme said. She was right when it came to Lizzie, but it was going to take me time to forgive Edward or Alice for what they did.

Fuck, my life was less complicated back in Florida.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Once I opened the front door, I was tumbled to the floor by Lizzie's small frame as she flew at me. I laughed as she giggled, hiding her head in the crook of my neck.

"I missed you, mommy." She cooed, her voice as musical as an angel's.

"Missed you too, baby. Did you have fun with Sue?" I asked, rising up and going inside the house, with her clutching at me.

"Oh mommy, we had so much fun. Leah comed by and played with me dress up. She lets me put makeup on her face. Sue's too." She giggled, kissing my cheek.

"I'm glad you had fun, angel." I cooed, walking to the living room to find Leah and Sue watching TV. They smiled as they saw me, a relieved expression on their faces.

"How's Charlie?" Sue asked.

"He's okay. Looking tired but okay." I looked down at Lizzie, who was staring at me with wide eyes. "When can I see grandpa?" she asked in a small voice.

"We are going to see him tomorrow, pumpkin. Would you like that?"

"Of course, mommy. I miss grandpa." She smiled widely. I smiled back, kissing her cheeks.

"Okay, why don't you watch some cartoon while I talk to Sue and Leah," I said. She nodded, wiggling in my arms to put her down. She ran to the couch, changing the channel to cartoon and started giggling as she saw sponge bob. I walked to the kitchen with Sue and Leah hot on my heels.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Sue asked in a panic.

"I saw Esme today." I whispered. They gave an 'oh', before Leah spoke.

"And…?"

"Well, it went pretty good actually. She and Carlisle know about Lizzie." I said, looking at them. Their expressions told me that they knew Charlie told them about Lizzie being with me back home. "And I'm planning on letting them see her tomorrow, and introduce them." I gauged their expressions. Both of them looked shocked.

"So soon? Don't you think sometime would be better?" Sue asked.

"Maybe, but if I were being honest, I got sick of hiding away and lying. Yes, I want to punch both Edward and Alice in the face, but I also want Lizzie to have a relationship with her father and his family; since he finally pulled his head out of his ass. I want Lizzie to know them and for them to know her. I want her to have the big family I've always wanted." They looked at each other and then nodded, understanding my reasoning. Sue looked out the window and sighed.

"It's getting late. We should get going, and you should get some sleep; especially with tomorrow's visit." I nodded, walking them out to the front door and hugging them goodnight. It was almost eleven o'clock, which was past Lizzie's bedtime. I made her wash her face and brush her teeth before bed. I quickly changed into a tank and shorts before lying down in bed and pulling Lizzie into my arms. I started running my fingers through her soft messy hair, until my eyes succumbed to the blissful rest of sleep.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Lizzie and I were standing in front of the receptionist desk; I was this close to gouging Jessica's eyes out as she stared at my baby girl. Lizzie was oblivious to the wide stares Jessica was giving her. I loudly cleared my throat, pulling her attention to me. I glared at her as I asked her to page Carlisle. She quickly pressed a few buttons on the phone and then told me he was on his way. I walked Lizzie to the waiting area, sitting her on my lap. I ran my fingers through her hair as she nuzzled my chest.

"Bella," Carlisle voice said gently from behind me. I turned my head to see him grinning like an idiot, his eyes pouring at Lizzie's small form. I gave a small smile, as I got up. Lizzie turned her head and looked at him, smiling shyly.

"Hi." She said in a small voice. Carlisle's smile widened as he stared at her.

"Hi. How are you Lizzie?" Lizzie's eyes widened as he said her name.

"You know my name?" she said in a happy voice, always eager whenever someone knew her name without her telling them.

"Yes. I do. I'm a friend of your mom's." he smiled, tentatively touching her cheek. She smiled widely and instinctively leaned into his hand. I felt tears well up in my eyes. Their communication was almost natural. It was as if Lizzie knew he was her own flesh and blood.

"Your eyes are green. Like mine." She smiled, her finger almost poking Carlisle's eye. He chuckled, holding her hand and letting her fingers slowly touch his face. I could see his pain and joy as he relished in her touch. Our peaceful gathering was interrupted by an all too familiar voice.

"Jelly Belly?" Emmett's booming voice echoed through the walls as he ran toward us. I quickly handed Lizzie to Carlisle as Emmett enveloped me in his trademark bone-crushing, air-chocking hug. I actually had difficulty breathing as he squeezed the life out of me.

"Good god, I'm missed you so much Jelly Belly." He whispered, his arms tightening around me. I let out a squeak of pain as I already felt my ribs bruising.

"Emmett, put the poor child down. You're chocking her." Esme scolded. Emmett reluctantly put me down, but never let go of my hand. His eyes were staring deeply into mine; sky blue shining with joy, and long missed mischief. I stared back, savoring the face of the man I came to have as a big brother. Emmett was the big brother I never had, the brother I always hoped for.

"Mommy?" Lizzie's chirpy voice interrupted mine and Emmett's silent conversation. His head turned so fast it almost fell off his shoulders and he looked at her. his eyes were wide as he stared at her, drinking in her features. He let go of my hand and reached out his hand to touch her face. She never flinched as his big fingers gently stroked her baby face; she actually grinned widely and wrapped her hand around one of her fingers.

"Hi. I'm Lizzie. And you're so big." She squeaked, causing Emmett to let out a booming laugh. Lizzie giggled as he took her from Carlisle's arms and enveloped her in his. She suddenly pressed her lips to his cheek, smiling widely.

"What was that for little girl?" Emmett asked, his voice a little shaky with the gesture. Lizzie smiled, "because I like you." Was her simple answer. He grinned widely, his eyes a little shiny with unshed tears. I cleared my throat, gaining all their attention. However, my focus was on my baby girl's face.

"Lizzie, you know I love you, right?" I asked, caressing her cheek. She wiggled out of Emmett's arms and into mine. She kissed my cheek.

"I do, mommy. I love you, too." She said in her baby voice. I took a deep breath.
"Remember when you used to ask me if you had other grandpas, grandmas, uncles, or aunts?" I asked, looking deeply into her green eyes. She nodded slowly. Okay, here goes.

"This man here is your other grandpa. That pretty woman is your grandma, and this big man is your uncle." I said, holding my breath after finishing. I was so scared from her reaction, fearing that it would backfire on me.

Her squeal however, told me otherwise.

"Really? I have another grandpa, grandma, and uncki?" she bounced in my arms, vibrating with joy and excitement. I grinned widely at her reaction, relieved with the way she accepted it.

"Yes, baby. You do." I kissed her nose.

"YAY." She yelled, turning first to look at Esme, and jumping into her arms. Esme caught her, hugging her tightly and looking at me with tears streaming down her face. She mouthed a 'thank you' before closing her eyes and basking in the warmth of my girl. Lizzie pulled her head back and stared at Esme. She wiped her tears away with her little fingers and kissed Esme's cheeks.

"Why you crying granny?" she asked, her voice a little sad. Esme smiled, kissing her nose.
"They are happy tears, sweetie; because I'm so happy to see you." She concluded. Lizzie grinned, playing with a stray lock from Esme's caramel hair.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"My name is Esme, this handsome blond man is my husband and your granddaddy Carlisle, and that huge man over there is your uncle Emmett."

"Esme, Carlisle, and Emmy." She squealed, clapping her hands. We all laughed at her innocence and joviality. "So you are my daddy's mommy and daddy?" she asked. They all looked at me with worried expressions. I nodded at them, letting the whole Edward Masen Sr and Elizabeth Masen subject for another time.

"Yes, sweetie. We are your daddy's parents." Carlisle cooed, running his fingers through her hair. She giggled.

"We can have so much fun, when grandpa Charlie out, we can play." She enthused. I felt my heart sink at the thought of Charlie. Oh how I hoped for him to be out sooner rather than later.

"Can I see grandpa Charlie now?" she asked, her voice becoming small and sad. I ran my fingers through her hair and looked at Carlisle. He nodded, gesturing for us to follow him. Lizzie stayed in Esme's arms, with Carlisle holding her hand. She was giggling and laughing as they spoke to her. Emmett slowed us down and let them be ahead of us a few steps. He was holding my hand the whole time.

"I can't tell you how happy I am that you're back home, Bells. We've all been waiting for this moment ever since your left after graduation. I was so sad and angry that you left, and I haven't been the nicest person when it happened." He said, his voice low and grieved. I squeezed his hand tightly as I leaned into him. He let go of my hand and wrapped his massive arm around my shoulders.

"I actually let out my anger on them. Especially Edward." He whispered.

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking up at him in confusion. He gave a sad smile.

"I got Edward into the hospital, and haven't spoken to Alice for three years."

What?

I stared at him, my jaw hitting the floor as I processed his words. I knew Emmett had a temper, but he never let it control him. It only showed when you seriously provoked him, or if you hurt the people, he loves. I've seen it first hand when we were all in Port Angeles, having a day out. We got out of a pizza parlor, when a few guys tried to make a move on us girls. We were a few steps away from our boys, and we looked as if we were alone. Emmett was the first one to react, punching one of them in the face and breaking his nose. Most of the time, he was like a huge teddy bear; but when you mess with him, he turns into a giant grizzly, going for the kill.

"My god, Emmett. It wasn't worth it. They're your cousins for fuck's sake."

"They hurt you, therefore, they deserved it." was his answer. I stopped him, looked into his eyes for a few seconds, and then launched myself into his arms.

"God, I've missed you so much, Em." I croaked, my voice shaky with my repressed emotions. He hugged be back, albeit gentler than before.

"Ditto, Bells. Ditto." He whispered. We pulled back, hurriedly followed Carlisle and Esme, and went into Charlie's room.

To say he was happy with what took place was an understatement. He was ecstatic to learn than Lizzie knew of her family now, a few members of it at least. We all sat and listened to Lizzie go on and on about the play parties she's have with us, dress ups, and sleepovers. Emmett couched 'pixie alert' into his hand, making us the adults' chuckle quietly. She had so much of the hyper pixie in her.

Carlisle's cell vibrated, pulling him from a conversation with Charlie. Lizzie was sitting on Emmett's lap now, both hands in Esme's as she talked a million miles a second. Carlisle looked at me with worried eyes, signaling to the phone.

I knew instantly who was calling.

I rose at eyebrow in question, and he nodded mouthing 'Edward'. I closed my eyes, rising up and going toward him. Lizzie asked where I was going and I told her to make a phone call. I took Carlisle's cell, noticing all their worried and shocked looks as they stared at me. I inconspicuously gave them a look, so that not to alert Lizzie. They understood. I walked out of the room, watching as the screen flashedEdward's name. I took a deep breath, and flipped it open.

"Carlisle!" the moment I heard his voice, I was back again to the sixteen year old girl who fell in love with him at first sight. I was never that kind of girl, never showed interest in any boy, but when I saw Edward for the first time; I knew.

He was it for me.

I took a deep breath, sending a silent prayer to the gods above, and spoke.



"Hello Edward,"...

Chapter 03

This chapter was beta'd by my girlie dlpash (Dana).

 

Bella
I was running through the halls, searching for a mop of spiky black hair. I was desperate to see her, wanting to talk to her, and explain how she wronged me. She should have known better than to accuse me of such treachery. Doesn't she know me at all? Have I not promised her time and time again to never disclose her secret? I would literally cut off my own tongue before even considering the idea of revealing their secret.
I saw everyone staring at me, but I paid them no attention. I only had eyes for her, desperately wanting to assure her that it wasn't me who betrayed her.
God, I was hoping I found her quickly.
Suddenly, I saw her standing in front of her locker, shoving books angrily inside, before slamming the door shut.
"Alice," without thinking I yelled her name. I could see her body tense when she heard my voice but I didn't care. She has to know the truth. I broke into a run, wanting to reach her before she escaped me, again. She started walking with quick steps, but I was faster. Running and standing in front of her, I stared at her with pleading eyes.
"Alice, please. Just hear me out." I begged, willing her with my eyes to just give me the chance.
"I don't have time for this, Bella. I have class." She hissed, her voice filled with hatred. I swallowed the lump growing in my throat and willed myself to put my foot down and plead my case to her.
"Alice, I swear to you, I didn't say anything to anyone. It wasn't me. Please Alice, you know me better than this." I whimpered, my voice on the verge of shaking. She stared at me with angry hazel eyes, and I found myself actually shrinking away from the force of her glare.
"Really, Bella? I'm supposed to believe this lie? I don't know who you are anymore. I trusted you with my secret, and you went around school and divulged it as if it was a piece of a racy gossip. I never thought you would do this to me… to HIM." She snarled, practically yelling at the word, HIM. I shook my head, feeling tears filling my eyes.
"It wasn't me, Alice. I would never do that to you, or him. Please, you have to believe me." I took a hold of her hand, which she snatched away from mine. The pang in my chest nearly knocked me on my ass; she was so cruel to me. So very cruel.
"If you didn't tell anyone, Bella, then who did? It sure as hell wasn't me, it sure as hell wasn't him, and no one else knows the secret but you. Not to mention what we heard."
"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice filled with confusion.
"We heard it this way, 'Bella told someone, who told someone, who told someone that Alice and Edward Cullen are blah blah blah'. Your name would always come up. 'Bella said this, Bella said that'. So excuse me for not believing a single word you say." She growled.
"No, Alice. I swear to you it wasn't me. Please." I was outright crying now. She couldn't do this to me. Not now, not ever.
"You know, Bella I feel sorry for you. You must be so miserable to ruin other peoples' lives, people who loved and cared for you. I pity you. Really."
"What do you mean, Alice? Loved and cared? You don't anymore?" I asked, staring at her with fearful wide eyes. This can't be happening.
"No, Bella. Not anymore. I used to love you like my best friend, hell I loved you as the sister I never had, but after what happened; you mean NOTHING to me." She said, her voice strong and sure. I stared at her wide eyed and horrified. I mean nothing to her? No, this can't be true.
"Y- You don't want my friendship anymore?" I whispered, my voice shaking with agony.
"No, I don't Bella. None of us wants to have anything to do with you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have more important things to attend to."
And, then she was gone.
I shook my head, willing my mind to close off old and painful memories.
This is not the time.
We kept staring at each other. Me, with anger, betrayal, and sheer wrath on my face; while her face was only conveying emotions that were unfitting for her. She looked at me with sadness, nostalgia, and guilt. She hadn't changed much over the past five years. She was still as tiny as she used to be, only gaining height by wearing heels. Her clothes were as fashionable as ever, if not more so than before. Her normal short spiky hair was longer now, reaching to the middle of her back and hanging straight around her face. She was wringing her fingers together, her eyes not meeting mine only to look anywhere else.
The silence around us was deafening. You could cut the emotional tension with a knife, but I held my ground. I was not going to start talking. She's the one who came here; therefore, she will be the one to start talking.
Finally, after what felt like hours, she spoke.
"Long time no see. Welcome home, Bella." She said, her eyes finally meeting mine. She visibly cringed at the sight of my angry glare. Did she really think she could come here and play all friendly and nostalgic? I don't think so. She realized that I was not going to engage in a friendly conversation, so, she went to another venue.
"Dad told us you were back home. He told us about Charlie. I'm so sorry, Bella." Her words seemed to be sincere in her worry for Charlie, so I decided to be nicer, for Charlie.
"Thanks. Carlisle is his attending doctor, so I'm sure that Charlie is in good hands." I said.
"Yes. Dad really cares for Charlie, and he's a good doctor; so he'll take good care of him."
I nodded, seeming to find myself unable to be mellow with her. I couldn't speak to her in a light or carefree way. Not yet, if ever.
"So, how have you been?" she asked, her voice small and with a little hint of hope as if she was hoping I'd run into her arms and forget about the past.
Think again, pixie.
"I've been good." My answers were gruff and cold, my voice trying to convey a message to her to just leave me alone.
"Look Bella, I know I have no right to ask for this, but can we please talk? Really talk?"
Oh, no, she can't be for real.
"Are you serious right now, Alice? You want us to talk about the past now? You seriously have no sense of timing." I hissed, taking a few steps toward her. I knew that once I returned to Forks and people saw me here, that my old wounds would be reopened. I knew that even if I never forgave Alice and Edward, things will have to be talked over and the past would have to be rehashed.
And I dreaded it, so much.
"I know that now is not the right time to talk, but it's just… I really missed you and I figured you'd be alone now so it would be good timing." She stopped, talking a deep breath and then continuing. "I am so sorry Bella, for everything I've done. I was wrong and you were right. My stubbornness and idiocy hurt you and it cost me our friendship. I just want you to give me time to explain myself to you. I want to tell you everything that went through my head the past five years. I…" She trailed off, giving me her puppy dog look that I always could never resist, "I just want you back, Bella." Her voice shook on the last sentence.
The nerve she has.
"Really? You want to talk to me now? You want to explain your reasoning for shunning me out for weeks, for never speaking to me, for never giving me the chance to plead my case to you, and for treating me like trash? I can't believe the nerve of you." I snarled, clenching and unclenching my fists. I was fuming. I was so fucking angry with her right now that I was seriously contemplating punching her in the face. Where the fuck did she get off waltzing in here and talking to me like that? She has no fucking right to say those things. She has no right to ask for my patience. She has no right to ask for an ear to listen to her reasons. And she has no fucking right to show up here, period.
"I think it would be best if you leave now, Alice." I said, trying my hardest not to launch myself at her. I was never a violent person by nature, unless I was provoked. And right now, Alice is really provoking me into punching the living shit out of her.
I didn't give her time to answer; I just turned around and walked to the front door.
Only Alice had to open her damn mouth again.
"I told Edward you're back in town."
After all these years, and after all the hurt and heartache I went through, the mere mention of his name would send my heart into erratic thumping, would fill my stomach with butterflies flying crazily inside of me, and my knees to buckle.
Every damn time.
"Why would I care?" I asked, my back to her. Even to me, my voice shook with my lie.
Because I cared. No matter how hurt and betrayed I was, I still cared and always will care for Edward.
"Because he's on a flight as we speak. I told him that you're back home, and he booked a ticket back here." She said, her voice determined.
"Again, why would I care?" I asked, as I turned to look at her, I tried my best not to crack. I knew this was going to happen. Once the word was out that Isabella Swan was back in town, with a five-year-old daughter, who is the spitting image of Edward Cullen no less, things were bound to get ugly.
"Because he's as desperate to talk to you as I am. Please Bella, just give us a chance to atone for what we've put you through." She begged, her voice cracking and shaking as she spoke. I found myself starting to feel upset for her, but quickly suppressed that feeling. They don't deserve atonement, and they sure as fuck don't deserve my forgiveness.
"I don't want to have anything to do with any of you. The only Cullen member I will be in contact with, is your father, and only because he's Charlie's doctor. Nothing more." I concluded, my tone of voice strong and sure, while my insides are screaming in agony. I couldn't help but think of our wonderful past together. I knew that even though I was not planning on forgiving them anytime soon, if ever, that I still longed for the friendship I had with Alice, I longed for the nights of sleepovers at her house, the nights of eating Ben & Jerry's while having movie nights. I simply longed for my best friend. But I also longed for Edward's company, his ways of telling me how he loves me, his sweet and gentle kisses, and the times we made love.
I missed everything about them, yet I couldn't let go of what happened.
But you will. My inner voice teased. I growled at her to shut the fuck up.
I was not going to think about this now.
Suddenly, Alice's eyes blazed with hazel fire as she stared at me, "Look Bella, I know what we did was wrong and hurtful. But you seem to forget that you have something, or rather someone, that we, especially Edward has the right to see."
Play dumb, or kick her ass? Play dumb, or kick her ass?
I decided to go with the first option.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I said, trying my best at nonchalance. I was not going to let them use Lizzie as a weapon against me.
"Yes you do. I'm talking about the baby, Bella." she said, her voice showing the longing she felt, or what she wanted me to think she felt.
Suddenly, a diabolical thought invaded my mind. I knew that what I was about to spout out of my mouth was mean and hurtful, hell, my heart was already pounding in my chest with the effect of what I was about to say. I sent a silent prayer to the Gods above, knowing it won't be answered, and started talking.
"What baby?" I asked, my voice void of all emotion.
Shit, my heart is hurting.
Her face was filled with a confused expression as she stared at me.
"The baby you were pregnant with. Edward's baby." She said his name in a small voice.
"Oh, so now it's Edward's baby?" I asked, making 'air quotes' when saying his name. "I remember when I practically begged him to believe it was his baby, and not Tyler's. But now he seems to finally see the light and realize it was his baby all along." I snarled, my hands balling into fists and my breathing picking up speed. I was angry, pissed, and downright furious. Now they believe the baby was a part of them.
Time for the kill.
"Well Alice, you can be rest assured, there is no baby." I said, feeling my heart clench as I denied the existence of my baby girl. I just wanted them to suffer just as much as I have suffered. I wanted to see the devastated look on Alice's face when I told her this.
Please, forgive me, Lizzie.
Alice's face turned seven shades of purple as she stared at me with wide eyes.
"Wha—what are you talking about?" She asked, her bottom lip trembling.
Fuck, she's gonna make me say it.
"I mean, that there is no baby. Not anymore." I said, forcing my voice to be calm and cool.
"What?" was all she could say, as she stood in front of me, gaping.
"I had an abortion, alright? Get it now, or do you want me to draw a diagram for you?" I hissed.
Alice's expression was indescribable. She was staring at me, gaping like a fish out of water as she processed my words. It was what I wanted, to see the pained and hurt expression on her face once I told her the demonic lie. I wanted it.
Then why did it hurt to see her broken expression?
Because deep down, you know it's wrong to say what you said. The inner voice taunted.
She kept staring and staring, her eyes wide and unblinking, and her face pale. She actually stopped breathing, and if I were being honest, I started to worry. That's when her expression changed. Her once purple, then pale face turned ten shades of red as she glared at me, her eyes filled with flaming fire scorching me with furiousness.
"You did what?" She snarled, taking a few steps toward me. Her tiny hands were balled into fists, and her breathing was coming in ragged rasps, as she kept glaring.
"How could you? What gave you the right to take the life of an innocent child? What the hell is wrong with you?" She yelled, her voice shaking.
I knew it was wrong, but I just wanted to see her hurt. Call it a stupid grudge, but I just had to say something that would hurt her.
"What the fuck is it to you? Where do you get off talking to me like that?" I yelled back.
"That child was not wanted by it's own father, hell he didn't even believe it was his. I was left with the worst reputation; a secret propagator and the whore, who couldn't close her legs. Everyone thought that I was the one who told your secret, that I was sleeping around town with men of all ages. Hell, a few older perverts even offered to pay me to service them, and they weren't even from Forks so you must realize how much the rumors spread. You have no idea how humiliated I was, how hurt and scared I was to go through that alone. You have no right to judge me for my actions, because you had nothing to worry about with your perfect little family. So, fuck you Alice Cullen, fuck you." I screamed, pushing her toward her car. I didn't realize that I was going toward her with my screaming tirade, until we were almost by her car. She didn't say anything, or even make a move. She just let me push her away until she was at her car door. She stared at me with tears streaming down her face, her previous red face turned ghostly pale as I laid out my guts to her.
"I- I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't know it was that bad for you." She sniffed, her eyes filling with more tears by the second.
I stared at her with anger as she stood there, crying. I felt wetness on my face, and that's when I realized I was also crying. I angrily wiped the tears away, cursing myself for crying in front of her.
"I don't know what to say, except, I'm sorry." She whispered, her voice shaking.
"Save it, Alice. I don't need or want your apology. I just want you off my fucking property." I said, my voice weak and hoarse from screaming. She nodded, getting in her car and closing the door. I turned around and walked toward the house, when she spoke.
"For what it's worth, I never stopped missing you Bella. And I'll always see you as my sister and best friend. I'm sorry."
And then, she was gone.

XxXxX

Heart-wrenching sobs shook me as I sat behind the door on the floor. I never thought it would hurt that way, but it did. I didn't just hurt Alice with those words; I also hurt myself. I hurt myself because try as I may, I couldn't help but be saddened by the look of anguish on Alice's face when I told her that preposterous lie. I was hurt because I denied having my beautiful baby girl, and that I even conceived the lie that I aborted her.
God, I was such a terrible person.
After what seemed like hours, I finally had the strength to get up on my feet. Lizzie was going to wake up in a little while, and I didn't want her to see me crying and sobbing.
I went to the kitchen to prepare dinner for her. A few minutes later, I heard the telltale of small feet coming down the stairs. I kept making her favorite sandwiches, when she entered the kitchen. She was still in her pajamas, holding tightly to her teddy bear. A huge grin spread across her face when she saw me.
"Hey, baby. Hungry?" I asked. She nodded, her free bronze locks flying around her face. I suppressed the urge to sigh.
God, she looked so much like her father.

XxXxX

I was in the kitchen, making Lizzie's favorite dinner consisting of spaghetti and meat balls when my cell phone rang. I took it out of my pocket and checked the caller ID. I frowned as I saw an unknown number flashing on my screen.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Bella, it's Carlisle." My heart lurched at hearing his voice; my mind coming up with all kinds of bad scenarios. Charlie is hurt, Charlie's condition is worse. Or the worst of them all, Charlie is dead.
"Oh God, is he okay? Is Charlie okay?" I asked frantically.
"Yes Bella. Charlie is doing great. I'm calling you because he woke up, and he knew you were back in town and he wants to see you." He said in a gentle voice.
"Oh, thank God. I thought the worst happened." I exhaled a deep breath as I willed my heart to calm its erratic beating.
"Don't worry, Bella. Charlie is doing great now; a little frail, but that's to be expected. So, when will you be here?" he asked.
"Uh, um, I was just going to take a shower, I'll finish up and then be there." I said, catching myself before mentioning making dinner for Lizzie.
No need to tell him about her now.
"Oh, okay. Just, well don't be late. Charlie is desperate to see you." He said, his voice weird. He was stumbling about what to say, and it was strange.
Carlisle never stumbled.
"Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can." I concluded.
"Alright. See you then. Bye, Bella." He said gently.
"Bye, Carlisle." We hung up, and I took a deep breath thankful that I held my tongue before telling him about Lizzie.
You can't hide her forever, though. The annoying voice smirked. I growled loudly, cursing my mind for playing this game with me.
After finishing dinner, I called Sue and asked her to come and stay with Lizzie. She kept apologizing for not telling me about Charlie, but I stopped her, telling her there was no need. She meant no harm, and knowing Charlie, he would have never told me had he collapsed the way he did. We were like each other that way, we were the suffer in silence type.
After hugging and kissing Lizzie for a million times, and promising to send her pink kisses, she let me go. Don't ask me, it's the kiddie's language that no one understands.

XxXxX

I arrived at the hospital, my heart pounding in fear and anxiety. I was dying to see Charlie, but at the same time, I was scared to see him. It's been almost a year since I last saw him, and I was a wreck. I was desperate to see him, but fearful of what I would see.
Finally, I summoned some inner strength, took a deep breath, and walked inside the hospital. I immediately spotted Carlisle, he saw me, and gave me a huge smile and started walking toward me.
"It's good to see you again, Bella. Charlie is awake, and he's anxious to see you." He touched my shoulder, squeezing lightly. I smiled a little in return, nodding and following him to Charlie's room.
Once we arrived at his room, Carlisle opened the door and ushered me in. I went inside, and found my eyes starting to water.
I was met with Charlie's wide grin.
"Hey there, baby girl." He smiled, his voice a little rough.
"Daddy." I sobbed, running toward his bed and jumping in his arms. He held me as I sobbed my heart out for him. He was not just my father; he was my friend, my rock, and my refuge.
He was the best daddy a girl could have.
"Hush, baby girl. I'm okay." He cooed, running his fingers through my hair and hushing me. I clutched his hospital gown as I cried and cried until I was actually hyperventilating. I felt Charlie pull my face up to his, his eyes were filled with tears; something I haven't seen since the first few months of my pregnancy. He kissed the top of my head and I felt something prick my arm. I quickly looked around to find Carlisle standing with a needle in his hand. He gave me a small smile and went to sit on a chair in front of Charlie's bed.
"It's a sedative, you won't fall asleep, but it will calm you down." He explained. I nodded, thankful for the calming drug. I actually was feeling pain in my lungs from the effort of breathing.
"How you doing Bells?" Charlie asked, his eyes searching mine.
"How do you think I'm doing, dad? I feel like shit. Why didn't you tell me?" I cried, hugging him tightly.
"I didn't want you to worry, baby girl. You were going through enough, already." He soothed. I stared at him with wide eyes, not wanting him to open up the subject of Lizzie in front of Carlisle. He seemed to understand, and he sighed, throwing a look at Carlisle.
"He knows, Bella." Charlie said, quietly. I stared at him with eyes wide like saucers.
Who knows what?
"Carlisle knows about Lizzie, Bella." He sighed.
As quick as a light, I was on my feet. I was staring at him with eyes filled with anger and betrayal. He told Carlisle? How could he?
"You told him? How could you? Why dad, why?" My voice was getting louder and louder as I glared at him.
"He had to know, Bella. I told him when they got me in here. I couldn't keep hold it in anymore, knowing I could die any minute." He whispered.
My eyes filled with tears as he said this. I threw my arms around him again and hugged him tightly, my heart breaking at hearing his words.
"Don't say that, again. You are going to live, you hear me?" I pulled back, taking his face between my hands and staring into his eyes. "You are going to live." I deadpanned, my voice strong and sure.
"You never know." He whispered. I shook my head, and kissed his forehead.
"You will. I know you will." I repeated, grabbing his hand in mine and turning to look at Carlisle. He gave me a small smile, his eyes sparkling.
"So, who does she look like?" He asked, his voice giddy. I let out a small giggle at his excitement. He looked like a little kid in a candy shop.
"Should I tell him, or should you?" Charlie asked. I rolled my eyes, and sighed.
"She looks like him. An exact replica." I said, wringing my hands in Charlie's and not meeting Carlisle's eyes. I heard him sigh, and I found myself looking up at him.
"Look Bella, I know that what you've been through was far from good, but I think you should tell Edward that he has a beautiful baby girl. He already believes that she was his all along, something I tired myself of, trying to convince him. But you know how hotheaded he can be." He gave a small chuckle, making me giggle lowly.
"I know exactly what you mean." I gave a small smile, which vanished as quickly as it appeared. I cursed myself for what I said to Alice, and I knew that Charlie and Carlisle will be anything but happy with what I told her. Carlisle noticed my change of mood and frowned.
"What is it, Bella?" He asked, his voice filled with concern. I sighed, shaking my head.
"I might have done something bad." I said, looking at my hands.
"What is it?" Charlie asked, rubbing my back soothingly.
"I saw Alice today." I said, my voice low. I was surprised with Carlisle's reaction.
"Damn it. I told that girl to give you time, but she never listens." He hissed, his voice angry. I shook my head and gave him a remorseful glance.
"What I said to her was worse than her showing up at my door." I whispered shamefully.
"What do you mean?" Charlie asked. I sighed, taking a deep breath and told them what happened on my encounter with Alice.
They were both silent, staring at me with shock and if I'm not mistaken, disappointment. However, they didn't speak badly of it. Hell, they even justified it with me being hurt and betrayed by her in the past, that I wasn't thinking straight with what I said. I was ashamed and abashed of what I said. But it was what I thought of at the time, and all I wanted then was to hurt Alice just as much as she hurt me.
"Okay, enough with the heavy stuff for now. I'll leave you to spend some time with the Chief." Carlisle smiled, making Charlie chuckle.
"I'm no longer a Chief, Chief." Charlie laughed, making Carlisle laugh with him.
As Carlisle got off the chair, there was a knock on the door. Carlisle said a quite 'come in' and the door opened, revealing the last person I thought I would see now.
"Bella?" Her motherly voice enveloped me like a cocoon.
"Esme."…

Chapter 02

*~Bella~*




"Bella, your father's condition is bad. Before giving my medical opinion, I looked at all his medical records, and family records as well, and hasn't found a member to die of a heart attack or failure. In addition, no one hereditary had a heart disease." He stopped, staring at me with sad eyes as he continued, "When I checked your father when he was brought down to the hospital, my diagnose was that it was a certain case of heart failure -" I cut him off there,
"What do you mean heart failure, Carlisle? Charlie is as healthy as a horse. There is no way for him to have a weak heart." I babbled, begging him with my eyes to be joking, even though it would have been an uncouth joke I would take over what he was telling me.
"It was healthy before, Bella; until-" he stopped, gauging my expression.
"Until what?" I asked, suddenly feeling my chest tighten.
"Until five years ago." He said. I sat there, staring at him in confusion.
What was he on about?
"I'm sorry, Carlisle. I don't understand."
He sighed heavily, taking a firm hold of my hand. I automatically stiffened.
This cannot be good.
"The causes of your father's heart failure are two; alcohol consumption and high blood pressure." He said, staring at me and waiting for me to speak.
I was rendered silent.
Alcohol consumption? Charlie never drank more than a few beers a week. He was a healthy athletic man; his only step back was his hunger for the greasy food consisting of steaks and such. I know that such food would cause high cholesterol levels in the blood but I always made sure he was eating a healthy meal every day to compensate for the food of death. My dad was healthy, I knew it.
As for the high blood pressure, Charlie was never an angry or short-tempered man. He was always calm, cool, and serene; almost tepid in expressing his emotions. In fact, for the years I have lived with him, and the months I have spent with him during the summers as a kid, he rarely showed emotions, never letting himself be drawn to feelings. However, that didn't mean he was a cold-hearted man. He just never felt comfortable to express things emotionally.
"Charlie doesn't drink, and his blood pressure is normal. He's as healthy as a horse." I repeated my words again, unable to grasp what Carlisle was telling me. I looked up at Carlisle, my vision getting blurry as my eyes started filling up with tears.
"He's not an alcoholic, Carlisle." My voice broke as I said those words. Carlisle sighed again, and I seriously started getting pissed off with it.
"Bella, I am going to tell you the cause of his alcoholic consumption, but you have to be calm about it. Anger and self-resentment would do you no good."
I stared at him in more confusion. What?
"Charlie started drinking on more regular bases when you left. It's actually what Sue and the Blacks told me when they brought him in. He was feeling sad and depressed because he was unable to -" he hesitated, not sure how to finish. I nodded at him, signaling it was okay for him to go on, although I had a pretty good idea what he was about to say. "Because he was unable to help you. With what happened five years ago. He was hopeless when it came to gaining you back, and when he realized he was unable to do so, he drowned himself in grief and alcohol. I know I'm not supposed to say all of this as just Carlisle Cullen, but as Dr. Carlisle Cullen it was necessary to tell you why he reached this stage." He finished. He kept staring at me, his eyes willing me to say something. However, there was one thing I felt right now.
Guilt. Heart wrenching guilt.
My father was laying in that room, with his frail, weak body because of me. He drank himself into oblivion because I was too stubborn to get my head out of my ass.
Daddy was dying because of me.
A strangled sound came out of my throat, as I started sobbing my heart out. I did this; dad was lying between life and death because of me. It was all because of me.
All me.
"Bella, you have to get a hold on yourself. You can't break down now. Charlie will need you when he wakes up, and he will need you to be strong for him." Carlisle said gently. I sniffled, nodding slowly. There was one question that I dreaded asking, but also wanted to know the answer to.
"Carlisle, is it terminal?" I asked my voice breaking. "Is he going to die?"
"I'm going to be straightforward and completely honest with you, Bella. Charlie's heart is in need of a transplant. His condition is such that he will not be able to survive without constant medical care and medication. Unfortunately, there are no hearts donors now, and there are no news of ones that are coming. The only thing we can do for him now is to take good care of his medical needs, and- await the worst." He concluded his voice sad and with a little shake. I nodded, giving him a weak smile. I took hold of his hands, squeezing them tightly in gratitude. He squeezed back, giving his own weak smile.
"Can I stay here now, or should I return sometime at night?" I asked.
"You should head home, Bella. I gave Charlie a sedative because he was unable to sleep, and his heart beating was starting to get erratic above the norm. He should be awake in the morning. Go home, get some rest, and once he wakes up I will call you."
I nodded, getting up and walking away from Carlisle. He was right; I needed some time to process what he told me. I walked out of the hospital in a daze, I was feeling numb, not even remembering getting in the car or driving until I was about to go into a car wreck. I barely controlled the car before colliding head on with the driver before me, and then parked on the sidewalk. I killed the engine, balling my hands into tight fists on the steering wheel to stop them from shaking. I was shaking my head back and forth, willing the words Carlisle told me to be a dream, a vicious dream, which is haunting me for the soul purpose of torment.
This can't be happening. A few weeks ago, I was on the phone with Charlie, we were talking and laughing, and he was good. He sounded healthy and refreshed. He never sounded ill or sick. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with anger. Why didn't he tell me? Why was I the last person to know about this? And why the fuck hadn't Sue, or Jake, or any of the others told me?
I revved the engine again, storming with my car towards La Push, intending to let all hell loose on every single one of them.
I parked in front of Billy Black's house, the tires screeching against the asphalt driveway. I stormed out of the car, nearly flying to the front door. I opened it, hurricaning my way inside. I went to the living room to find Sue, Billy, and Jacob sitting around talking. They all fell silent when they saw the expression on my face, and judging from my inner turmoil I knew that the look on my face was nothing if not murderous. Sue was staring at me with wide fearful eyes, her expression was of worry and dread and for a second I felt guilty for scaring her for Charlie, but the guilt was quickly replaced with utter anger as I growled at her.
"Why no one ever told me?" I snarled, feeling my words slapping her in the face with the intensity of my voice.
"Told you what?" she asked, her voice trembling.
"About what? ABOUT WHAT? How about the fact that Charlie got strung on alcohol when I left, how about that he got depressed because of me, how about that he developed a heart condition because of my stupidity and stubbornness, and how about the fact that he's laying between life and death right now?" I was outright screaming, my voice was so loud you could hear the windows shudder.
"I- he- he didn't want to upset you." That was Sue's brilliant defending.
"Are you fucking kidding me? He didn't want to upset me? I'm his fucking DAUGHTER, and I should have known. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN." I screamed again, fisting my hair in my hands and collapsing onto my knees. I was muttering to myself when I felt two arms wrapping around me. I shot up, glaring at Sue.
"Back the fuck off. You don't get to comfort me, Sue. You lost that right when you lied to me, all of you." I hissed, getting up and walking to the window, gazing out at the wintry forest.
"He's dying. He's dying and there's nothing I can do to help him." I whimpered, feeling a tightening in my chest. I heard the telltale sound of little feet on the floor and I sighed, turning around to find my angel standing before me. Her eyes were wide and she was biting her bottom lip, a habit she picked up from me whenever she was nervous or embarrassed. I walked toward her, crouching to her level and caressing her cheek. She stared at me with her emerald green eyes, and I saw them shining with unshed tears.
"Are you okay, mommy?" she asked, her small voice whispering.
"I'm okay, baby. Don't worry about me." I said, wanting to assure her that I was all right. The last thing I wanted was for her to worry about me. Her eyes filled with more tears as her bottom lip quivered.
"Is grandpa gonna die?" her small voice shook as she talked. Quickly, I pulled her into my arms, tucking her to my chest and rocking her back and forth. Her small sobs tore at my heart as I did my hardest to stop from crying myself.
"No, baby. Grandpa is gonna live and he's gonna play with you again, like he always did. Don't worry about him pumpkin, he's just a little sick." I stammered, trying to assure myself with the words, but I knew damn well that it was wishful thinking on my part. Charlie was waving his final days on earth.
Unless Carlisle finds a heart donor fast.
Minutes passed like days as I held my baby in my arms. She was my rock, the person to hold me to this earth whenever I was desperate or feeling of the verge of collapsing. She was my everything, and I thanked god everyday for granting me her.
"Bella, I think it's best for you to go home, unpack and settle in. Dr. Cullen told us it would be a while until Charlie wakes up, and you need your rest." Sue said gently. I stood up with Lizzie clutching at me; I gave Sue a final glare before walking out of the house without a backward glance. I was not in the mood to deal with any of them now, and all I needed was to settle back at Charlie's house, unpack, and lay on the bed with my baby girl in my arms.
I strapped Lizzie in the booster seat, and then sat on the driver's side, revving the engine and driving off toward Charlie's house.
I was in my old bedroom, unpacking my bags and putting mine and Lizzie's things in their place. Lizzie was bouncing on her feet, running around the room and putting her things where I told her. Her curly bronze locks were flying around her as she practically flew from my old wooden desk, to my closet, and back to the desk.
She reminded me of a certain hyperactive pixie.
I shook my head violently, mentally scolding myself for remembering her.
That is not the time to go there, Bella. My inner bitter Bella hissed.
I was pulled out of my bitterness with the voice of my angel.
"Mommy, where do I put that?" she asked, showing me the old copy I had of "The Complete Works of Jane Austen". She was holding it with both hands, scrunching her cute little nose in detest. I smiled at her adorable expression and took the book from her. I walked toward the bookshelf and but it with the rest of the books I had organized there. I heard her give a little sigh.
"What's wrong, angel?" I asked, knowing what she was about to say.
"Why do you buy heavy stuff like that? It's heavy." She exclaimed, a small pout on her lips. I grinned, walking toward her, carrying her, and throwing her in the air making her squeal with mirth.
"Because mommy loves reading complicated books." I said.
"What's comlptned?" she asked, her tiny brows knitting together in a very similar way to his.
Seriously, Bella? You're going down that road now?
"It's complicated, and it means something hard to understand." I explained. She nodded, wiggling herself away from me. I put her down on her feet and she looked up at me with puppy dog eyes.
"I'm hungry. Can we eat?" she asked,
"Sure sweetie. What do you have in mind?" I asked having an idea what she would ask for. She batted her eyelashes at me and jutted her bottom lip out.
"Pizza?" she widened her eyes, literally making puppy sounds. I smiled, shaking my head at her antics. God, she looks so much like him now.
Okay, it's official. I'm going crazy.
"Sure thing, munchkin. Let's go order." I said, taking her hand.
"Can we go out for pizza? Please." She pouted once more. I sighed, contemplating my odds. I wanted to take her out for pizza, but at the same time, I didn't want to have unwanted encounters with people. I wasn't ready for that just yet.
"Okay, baby. Let's eat out." I resolved.
"Yay. I love you mommy." She squealed. I smiled, loving those little words. Some people would get annoyed with their kids saying sweet words like those to them, but not me. I could never get tired hearing her say she loves me.
I lived for it.
I made sure I got my car keys, cell phone, wallet and house keys before locking up the house. We got in the car and drove, Lizzie spend the 10 minutes drive playing with the car stereo and singing along with Dora's songs.
Few minutes later, I parked the car in front of "The Weber's" diner. I got out of my seat and went to Lizzie's, un-strapping her from the booster seat, and then carrying her inside. She was twirling a stray lock from my hair in between her little fingers, blowing air onto it and giggling whenever the hair flew around. I smiled widely at her, kissing the tip of her nose as we walked inside. I went to a table at the far side of the diner, which was as spacious as I remembered. I used to hang out with dad here a lot, having all day meals on the weekends, and lunch with Charlie whenever I was unable to make it at home.
You also used to dine here with the Cullens. My subconscious smirked at me. I internally growled at her to shut her trap. Damn it, I was definitely going nuts talking to myself inside my head.
I sat Lizzie on my lap, grabbing the menu and looking it over. Lizzie was reading with me and started pointing at the word "pizza" until I assured her we were eating one.
"Welcome to 'Weber's'. How may I help you?" said a familiar voice. I looked up to see the face of Angela Weber, the daughter of the towns' pastor and diner owner Mathew Weber. She was still the same as I remembered her, only she gained a little weight, her normally long brown hair had blond streaks in it, and it was flowing around her shoulders, not in a high ponytail as it always used to be. She also wasn't wearing her pointy glasses anymore, but she had a light hazel contact lenses.
"Ang?" I asked, without much of a thought. She stared at me with narrowed eyes that widened in wonder.
"Bella?" she squealed, launching herself at me, completely unaware of the five year old girl sitting on my lap. I heard Lizzie give a squeak and Angela pulled back, looking at Lizzie with a contemplating expression. Suddenly, I felt nervous. When I came to visit Charlie, it was because I was sure that none of the Cullens would be in town, and none of the towns' people would see Lizzie with me. Now, seeing the look on Angela's face, I should have ordered the food from home.
I just hope she doesn't open her mouth with anything.
"Oh my god," she gasped, her hand flying to her mouth.
I guess she would open her mouth. I thought bitterly.
"Angela!" I said, my tone of voice conveying what I didn't want to speak about in front of Lizzie. Angela looked at me, my expression must have said it all, because she sobered up and plastered a somewhat forced smile on her face.
"What can I get for you, Bella?" she asked, glancing Lizzie's way. Before I could say anything, Lizzie spoke up.
"Pizza!" she squealed, clapping her hands and making funny noises.
"Anything else?" Angela asked, not taking her eyes from Lizzie's face.
"No, thank you." Lizzie smiled, unaware of the scrutinizing look Angela was giving her. I started feeling uneasy with the way she was staring at my daughter, so I cleared my throat to gain her attention. She looked at me with a sheepish smile.
"Sorry. Anything you want Bella?"
"Just medium size pizza, a small plate of fries, and a coffee for me." I said in a firm tone. She nodded, giving Lizzie a final glance, and then walking away with out order.
I should have ordered from home, but with what I found out about Charlie, seeing Carlisle, and my whole life in general, I didn't think of the consequences of an encounter like this. I knew Angela wasn't the gossiping type, but even a saint would gossip like an old lady with my return.
I was so lost in my thoughts, that I didn't notice when Angela returned with our food until she nudged my shoulder. I nearly jumped out of my skin when she touched me, startling Lizzie in the process.
"Are you okay, mommy?" she asked, her green eyes wide with worry. I gave a smile and nodded, kissing her forehead.
"Yes, baby. I'm okay." I said. She nodded, turning to the pizza and cutting a small slice. Angela set the coffee in front of me and gave me a small smile before walking away. I sighed, taking a sib from my coffee and then a slice of pizza.
Might as well enjoy it while I still can.
Thirty minutes later, Lizzie and I finished eating. Angela came out of nowhere when I grabbed my wallet and took out a 50-dollar bill. It was as if she was watching me, waiting for me to finish eating and ambush me.
"You're done?" she asked, trying her hardest not to stare at Lizzie.
"Yes. How much?" I asked, not in the mood for polite chatter. Angela frowned, unused to my rude demeanor, but I was far too gone to be upset for being rude to her. I just wanted to get the fuck out of her as fast as possible.
"25$" she said. I gave her the 50$ bill, waiting for her to give me the change. I took the change from her and said a quick 'goodbye', snatched Lizzie and ran out of the diner like a bat out of hell. I wanted out of there as soon as possible, for I was not ready for any confrontations from anyone.
However, you should prepare yourself soon. The voice inside my head teased. I ignored the annoying voice, and walked toward the car. I strapped Lizzie to her boaster and then went to my seat, driving the car and back to Charlie's.

~XxXxXxX~

Once we arrived home, I took Lizzie inside and up to my old room. She was exhausted and her eyes were drifting to a close when we were in the car. I changed her clothes, gave her a bath to remove the grim and dirt from the flight and the day's activities, dressed her in her Mickey Mouse pajamas and then tucked her in, giving her her favorite teddy bear, which was a gift from Charlie on her second birthday. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she was out like a light. I sat beside her on the edge of the bed, running my fingers lightly through her hair. My mind was going a mile a second, thinking of the day's events. Charlie, then seeing Carlisle, and lastly Angela. I knew things were only starting to appear, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the worst was yet to come.

~XxXxXxX~

I was sitting on the couch in the living room, flipping through the TV channels. Since I wasn't in the mood to read or listen to music, I needed a distraction. Of course, the TV was useless so I turned it off, looked around the kitchen and an idea formed in my head. I took out the cleaning materials from under the sink and started scrubbing and cleaning the kitchen and living room. As soon as I started, my head was filled with thoughts of cleaning and scrubbing, and thankfully no more of the forbidden thoughts.
Two hours later, the kitchen and living room were spotless. I put back the cleaning materials under the sink and decided that a shower was in order. I check on Lizzie to make sure she was still sleeping and then went to the bathroom.
The warm water was cascading down my aching back, relaxing my tense muscles. I always enjoyed taking my time in the shower, so 40 minutes later, I got out of the shower and back to my room. Lizzie was tucked under the covers, clutching her teddy for dear life. I smiled, kissing her cheek. She stirred a little but didn't wake up. I went to my closet, took out my panties and bra. After getting into my underwear, I dressed in jeans, wife beater, and a stripped long-sleeved shirt. Quickly brushing my hair, and putting it in a messy ponytail, I walked out of the room leaving the door slightly ajar and went down the stairs to the living room.
I felt thirsty, so I went to the fridge and took out a can of coke. I was about to open it , when I heard tires screeching near the driveway. I put the can on the kitchen counter, and went to the window. I saw a strange canary yellow Porsche parked in the driveway.
Who would drive a yellow canary car? Let alone a yellow canary Porsche?
And why would that car park in Charlie's driveway?
I went to the front door, opening it and stepping out to the front porch. The driver's seat of the Porsche opened and a figure got out. I felt the air whoosh out of me, my heart started beating frantically and my body started shaking.
Walking toward me, the person who shut me out five years ago. The person I once called my best friend, my partner in crime.
Walking toward me was the person I counted as the sister I never had.
The sister and best friend that kicked me out of her life.
Walking toward me was… Alice.
She finally reached the front steps, standing with a leg on the ground and a leg on the first step. She looked at me with a strange expression on her face, longing. I shook my head; Alice would never look at me with longing. She's the one who told me off five years ago, and basically told me she didn't want to have anything to do with me.
"Bella!" she said, her voice small and pained?
"Alice!" I said, my voice void of all emotions. She stared at me with wide eyes, her expression a mixture between pain, guilt and something else I couldn't put my fingers on.
Looks like that confrontation is set to happen now.

Chapter 01

Bella


I sighed deeply, as I drove the rental car from Seat-Tac to forks. It's been five years since I last stayed there. I was sixteen, when I moved to forks to live with my father, after my mother got sick and tired of the burden of raising me, she made me pack my bags, and sent me flying to my father; saying the she was tired of providing for me, and I was taking too much space from her and her new boy toy.
And if I were being honest with myself, I was happy she made that decision. I dreaded my life with Renee, she was not the mother type at all; on the contrary, and I was the staid, responsible adult while she was the ill-conceived, irresponsible one.
I was five years old when I was moved from the warmth of my beloved childhood home. Renee was and still with a flighty character, never staying in one place, always wanting to do things that are unfit to be parental, and never taking responsibility for anything. She was always discontented with her small town life; her marriage to the rookie cop was not enough for her, and having a child to top it all was the final straw. She couldn't handle my dad's small town ambition, looking down on him and talking to him with condescend of what a loser he is, and of the things he would never achieve if he stayed put in his place with no higher ambition.
I never understood her words until later, when I grew up, but the things I remembered the most were the way they always yelled at each other, or more like the way she screamed at him of what a waste of space he was, of the stupidity of her marrying him, and lastly her regret of ever having me.
She wasn't the mother a person could ask for, she was a selfish apathetic person, who cared for nothing and no one but herself.
And I was more than happy to return to my beloved childhood home, and to my beloved father.
The mere thought of Charlie, brings tears to my eyes.
It's been almost a year since I last saw him. He always came to visit me in Florida, even though it was tiresome for him, not to mention the expensive airline tickets; he still came to see me and be with me, giving me the fatherly support and love, which I needed the most in what were the worst days of my life.
I took a deep breath, as the memory of one of his visits attacked me,
I was sitting on the couch, my eyes puffy and hot from the tears that seemed to have no bounds. He was sitting beside me, holding my hand in his and rubbing soothing circles on the back of my hand,
"You still don't want to come back with me, Bells?" he asked, his voice low.
I sniffled, rubbing my eyes as a fresh wave of tears bombarded me,
"I can't dad. Too much memories and I can't handle the gossips anymore." I cried, sobs overtaking my small weak frame as I held tightly onto his hand. He squeezed it gently, his other hand caressing my hair.
"I can't bare the idea of you being here all by yourself Bella, especially when you're pregnant. Please, let me take you home and take care of you," he begged, his usually calm and detached voice was swimming with emotion. I vehemently shook my head, more tears streaming down my face.
"I can't. I will never come back to forks dad, at least not for a few years. Until the gossip dies down, I will not set foot to forks again. I'm sorry, I know I'm hurting you with my words, but I just can't… I can't ju- just g- go back n- no- now," I cried, clutching his hand. He gently pulled me to his arms, enveloping me in his warm hug as I cried myself into oblivion, clutching at his shirt in my weak fists.
"It will be okay, Bella. I promise you it will be okay," he cooed, rocking me back and forth, as I cried myself to sleep.
I shook my head violently, attempting to erase the memory of my bad days, a memory of how weak I was, how stupid I was, and how overly trusting I was. My life was ruined when I was eighteen years old by the people, I loved the most, the people I thought they loved me unconditionally. I sighed again, focusing on the road ahead of me, not wanting to be immersed in memories I suppressed years ago. A squeak sounded from my right, and I smiled as I glanced at the angel napping beside me. Her eyes started fluttering slowly as her small mouth opened in a yawn. She looked around groggily until her eyes landed on my face, a big sleepy smile spreading across her face, showing the gap at the front of her upper teeth.
"Are we there yet, mommy?" she asked, her bell-like voice warming my heart. I smiled at my angel as I nodded,
"We're almost there, sweetie. Did you sleep okay?" I asked, she nodded, her big green eyes shining as she started to fully wake up.
Her eyes were a constant bittersweet reminder of the love that I lost.
The only love I ever had.
My true love,
"Are we gonna see Grandpa when we arrive?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with happiness. She was Charlie's little angel too, having him dotting onto her every move and gesture, always doing whatever she wanted, giving her whatever she needed.
She had him practically wrapped around her little finger.
Not that he minded,
"Yes, baby, we will." I smiled, trying my best to hide the anguish bubbling inside of me. The main reason for me to come back to forks and not waiting for few more years to even consider the idea was Charlie. I remember that day perfectly when I received the dreaded phone call from Sue Clearwater,
"Hello," I answered, too busy working to check the ID.
"Bella? It's Sue," she said, her voice wavering slightly.
Automatically I panicked.
"Sue, what is it? Something wrong? Is Charlie okay?" I asked, my voice rising frantically. I felt my heart squeeze painfully in my chest when I heard her anguished sob. She was blubbering incoherent words while crying wretchedly. Finally, when she could somewhat compose herself, she told me the worst news,
"Charlie is very sick, Bella, and he needs you. It's terminal and he might not have much time. Please, come home baby girl," she cried, calling me by the nickname she gave me ever since I was a little girl. I considered Sue as my mother a long time ago, even before she married Charlie, and she took to me as her second daughter, after Leah.
"I'll be there as soon as possible," I promised, leaving Florida in a matter of three days, and flying back to forks.
We pass the sign of welcome to forks, and I keep driving through the all too familiar streets. Everything was as green as I remembered; the green lush trees and leaves were all over the forest, the gray sky enveloping the town in a murky cocoon. I always loved the winter, always mesmerized with the dark atmosphere surrounding the whole town. I remember kicking and screaming when Renee took me away from Charlie, hating to leave him and the rainy small town; I remember how happy I was returning to the all too familiar, yet too strange town. It was and always will be my town, my home, whether I lived in it for the rest of my life, or just for a few hours;
It will always be my piece of heaven.
I parked the rental in Charlie's driveway, cutting the engine, and turning to look at my little angel,
"You ready to go inside, pumpkin?" I asked, brushing her crazy bronze hair away from her eyes, she even got his crazy wild hair. She gave me a bright smile, and nodded. I smiled back, unbuckling her from her boost seat and carrying her in my arms out of the car. I always sat her beside me, never letting her steep away from my sight. It was always a comfort having her near me.
I walked to the trunk, opening it and taking out the luggage's putting them on the ground. Closing the trunk, I opened the back seat door, and took three more large bags and sat them on the ground. I locked the car, putting Lizzie on the ground and telling her to walk the porch steps ahead of me. She responded to my quest in kind, skipping the steps deliberately until she reached the front door.
I took two bags at a time, going up and down the porch four times, seeing as our clothes, and my personal things were not too much. Beside my cloths, I had my books, laptop, and CD's. Lizzie had children's books besides her clothes, so there was not much to carry; I being the tomboy through and through, my clothes consisted of jeans, sneakers, sweaters, and hoodies. Once I reached the front door the last time, I took out the key and slowly unlocked the door. Lizzie skipped her way inside, going straight for the couch. She knew her way around the house from when we spent a month during the summer here last year.
I only agreed to come to forks then after Charlie promised me that none of them was around town. Their children were away for work or whatever, and the parents were on a vacation; so it was safe to say I wouldn't have bumped into one of them.
Which was such a relief.
I told Lizzie to stay sitting on the sofa, until I put the bags upstairs. She nodded, her eyes trained on the flat screen in front of her, giggling as she watched reruns of Tom and Jerry. I smiled at hearing her beautiful voice; she was really an angel from heaven.
I took the steps up to my room again four times, dumping the bags on the floor, and then going down the stairs. Lizzie was still giggling and making funny faces at the TV, I told her we were leaving again, and she pouted but turned off the TV and walked after me. I locked the door once again, and took her hand walking back to the car. I buckled her up, and then went to the driver's seat, revving the engine and taking the twenty minutes drive to La Push.
Once I parked in front the small red brick house, the front door swung open, and Sue ran toward the car. I got out and didn't have time to even close the door, when Sue's arms wrapped around me, pulling me into an almost chocking hug. Her body was shaking with silent sobs as she clung to me. I held her back, looking behind her to see Jake and Leah walking toward us. Jake went to Lizzie's seat and took her out; spinning her around and throwing her in the air making her squeal and giggle with glee. Leah was smiling sadly, as she watched them, and then her eyes turned to me, her smile turning even sadder.
"I'm so happy you're here, Bella," Sue hiccupped, pulling away and wiping her face off tears. I gave Leah a hug and then Jake joined us. He gave Lizzie to Sue, who hugged her as if her life depended on it. Jake pulled me into his strong arms, crushing my bones in the process. I clung to him, forcing myself not to cry in front of Lizzie.
"How have you been, Bells?" he asked, pulling back and searching my face.
"Good. You?" I asked, squeezing his arm. Jake was my first friend ever, we used to make mud pies on the beach when we were little. I remember Charlie taking me to the beach in La Push, despite Renee's disapproval, and he would sit with Billy, Jake's dad in their house or we would go with them fishing. I always laughed at our little selves when we teased each other, Jake pulling at my pigtails, and me shoving him in the mud in retribution.
"I'm good. Come on, let's head inside," he instructed. We walked inside the house, me going straight to Billy and crouching down to hug him. He has been in a car accident when I was a teen; some drunk driver collided with him head on, causing Billy to lose the feeling in both legs, making him paralyzed for life.
"How are things, Bells?" he asked, his black wise eyes scrutinizing my face for any sign of lying. I rolled my eyes at him, telling him I've been okay. He pulls Lizzie from Sue's arms and starts tickling her. She squeals some more, and then kisses his cheek.
"Let's head to the living room," he advised. We followed him inside, with Lizzie not wanting to get off his legs. Jake, Sue, and Leah sat on the sofa, while I took the chair next to Billy.
"How is he?" I asked, my question opening Sue's floodgates. She started crying and I feared her condition would worry Lizzie. I gave Leah a gentle, yet pointed look and she nodded, whispering in Sue ear. Sue started composing herself, giving a small 'sorry' and sat silent. I looked at Lizzie and saw her staring at Sue with teary eyes. I sighed, pulling her into my arms and hiding her into my embrace. She snuggled into me, burying her face in my chest.
"He's been having a hear time Bella. His heart started collapsing and he just couldn't handle it. He pretty much lives in the hospital now," Billy said, his voice filled with pain. Suddenly, I was angry, they left Charlie on his own at the hospital, and none of them was with him now.
"You left him alone there?" I gritted, unable to control my rising temper. Billy smiled and shook his head,
"Some one is always with him everyday, Bella, on visiting hours and when it's allowed anyway. Quil and Sam are with him now," he said, giving a nod. I felt bad now, my always-precipitate mouth speaking before my mind thinks. I gave him a sheepish smile, telling him I was sorry. He waves away my apology, saying he understood.
"Can I go see him now?" I asked, praying they would say yes.
"Yes, you came early, and you'll be able to see him." Jake said, giving a sad smile.
"Good, because I want to see him," I said, nudging Lizzie gently. Her big emerald eyes searched my face and I took a deep breath, willing myself not to think of green eyes and bronze hair now. God, she was such a replica of her father;
Not now, Bella. My subconscious hissed.
"I have to go for a little while, baby. Can you be a good girl for Grandma Sue, and Aunt Leah?" I asked, smoothing her hair. She nodded, her face breaking into a smile.
She loved Sue and Leah, and they loved her back.
"Come with me, Lizzie, I have ice cream for you." Leah grinned, and Lizzie squealed, clapping her hands and jumping from my arms.
"Not too much, Leah," I said sternly. She nodded, carrying Lizzie out of the room. Lizzie gave me an air kiss and a wave. I kissed her back and waved with a smile.
Once they were out of sight, I got up.
"I had better get going now," I said, giving Jake, Sue, and Billy a smile. I walked toward the front door, thinking they had nothing to say,
Only Billy's next words stopped me in my tracks.
"Dr. Cullen is Charlie's attending doctor Bella," he said. I came to an abrupt halt, spinning on my heels and gaping at him. He gave a sympathetic smile and a nod. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and clenched my fists.
"Great, just what I need." I hissed through clenched teeth. I opened my eyes to see three pairs of eyes giving me sympathetic looks. I nodded, and then bolted out of the house, not liking the way their eyes pitied me.
I got into the car and revved the engine, still sitting in my spot.
Carlisle was his attending doctor, which means two things;
Charlie is in luck because Carlisle was THE BEST,
And I am completely screwed once Carlisle finds out I was back in town.
I sighed heavily, getting out of the parking space and driving toward the hospital.
I have Charlie to think about right now, nothing else matters,
Especially when the other things that don't matter are called Cullens;
I arrived at the hospital with my nerves on edge. I was dreading seeing Charlie in his ill state, the last time I saw him he was as healthy as a horse, hell he beat my ass at a marathon race at the park when he visited me and Lizzie last year. However, the mere thought of him unable to run, having to watch his every move because his heart is weak kills me inside. He has been always there for me, guiding me, caring for me, and just loving me and being my dad. I don't know what I would do without him.
Don't even think it, Bella. My subconscious hisses.
I sighed for probably the millionth time, and killed the engine. Getting out of the car, my steps were hesitant, as if I were dragging my feet through dune of moving sands, my palms were starting to sweat and my body started to shiver even though I was wearing warm clothes; if the shiver wasn't from the biting cold weather, it was definitely from the anticipation of seeing Charlie again.
I entered the hospital, the warm air seeping through the conditioner warming up my icy face. I walked straight to the front desk, meaning to know Charlie's room number.
I wanted to see Charlie first, and then I will look for his doctor.
A lump rose in my throat when I thought of his doctor. Can't I ever get a break?
I shook my head, and kept walking until I reached the front desk.
"Excuse me, could you tell me the number of Charlie Swan's room?" I asked the receptionist standing with her back to me. She turned around and her eyes widened,
"Bella? Bella Swan?" she asked, a wide grin plastered across her face. I internally groaned. Of all the people I see on my first day in forks, Jessica Stanley has to be the first. I gave a huff as she kept staring at me, unaware of my annoyance to her lack of professionalism. I just asked for my sick father's room number for fuck's sake.
"Yes, Jessica. Now could you please give me Charlie's room number?" my sentence came out as a snarl, and she blinked, nodding quickly and giving me a sheepish smile.
Which I didn't give a fuck about,
She kept hitting the keys on her keyboard, looking confused and I was five seconds away from snapping her fucking neck.
"I'm so sorry Bella; the computer is a little down. Just give me a few minutes," she said. I glared at her, gritting my teeth and leaning closer to her.
"I don't give a fuck if the computer is fucking down. Give me Charlie's room number. NOW." I growled, and if I wasn't worried as all hell, I would have smirked at seeing her flinching away in fright from my venomous tone. I was about to literally launch myself at her and snap her in half, when I heard his all too familiar strong voice.
"I'll handle it Jessica," Carlisle's strong voice made me visibly cringe. It was an unintended reaction seeing as he was one of kindest people I knew, but what happened five years ago, made me flinch away from all things Cullen.
I slowly turned around to face him, and came face to face with the one and only;
Carlisle Cullen,
He hadn't changed at all during the past five years, on the contrary, the years gave him a certain edge to his features and demeanor. He had always been one of the most handsome men I have ever seen, with his golden blond hair that was neatly combed backward, his piercing emerald green eyes which were hypnotizing beyond belief; his angular strong jaw, which could cut through diamond, and his broad shoulders.
We kept staring at each other, both of us drinking in the features of the other. His eyes were pouring into mine, giving me happy and sad chills of what I once had and lost.
God, I've been staring into those eyes for the past five years on my girl's face and still I was not immune to its effect.
"Bella," he said with a small smile, his voice was even tenderer than I remembered. Okay, Bella; focus.
"Dr. Cullen," I said, watching as his face fell when I addressed him formally. Sorry, Carlisle, but that's the way it's gonna be.
"I believe you want to see Charlie as soon as possible?" he asked, his eyes having a sad look in it. My heart started hammering in my chest and my eyes wend wide.
"Is he alright? Is something wrong?" I asked frantically, my voice shaking with my suppressed emotions. He gave me a sad smile,
"He's… okay now. It would be better for you to see him fist before we talk about his condition." He advised his voice firm yet kind. I nodded, wanting to see Charlie more than anything in the world.I may not have parted with the Cullens on good terms, but I knew that Carlisle gave everything within him for his patients.
Carlisle walked ahead of me, signaling for me to follow. We went into the elevator, spending the ride in silence. My mind was going miles a second, wondering about Charlie's condition. What caused it? When was the first time he had a heart attack? Why did his heart collapse? And why the fuck didn't he tell me about the condition of his heart? We were going to have some serious talk when he gets better.
The elevator dinged, signaling our reached destination. Carlisle let me get out first, and then he followed me, walking beside me until we reached the end of the corridor.
Carlisle stopped in front of a white door and turned to me,
"I should tell you that you won't be happy with what you're about to see, Bella. Charlie is very weak at the moment, and he won't look as you last saw him; so, try your best to hold it together." He said in a gentle voice, reaching up and squeezing my arm lightly. I nodded grimly, preparing myself for the worst scene I could ever witness. Carlisle gave me a sad look and then opened the door. I walked inside, my eyes falling on the bed in the center of the room.
No mental preparation could adapt me to what I saw in front of me.
Lying, in the middle of the bed was not my father. There was no way in hell that vulnerable, frail man could be my father. He was dressed in a gray shirt, his hair messy and wild, and his face looked to be in a permanent frown. His face was pale and his lips were almost blue. I walked toward him, sitting on the chair beside him and taking a gentle hold of his hand. I almost jumped with shock at the coldness of his hand; I carefully grasped it, careful not to snatch the IV off his hand. There were wires connected to his body and a heart-monitoring machine. The beeping was weak and shallow, not like the strong beating that I remembered of my father's heart.
Suddenly, emotions overflowed from within me, suppressed emotions and feelings from when, I found out about Charlie, and feelings suppressed from five years ago.
Tears started streaming down my face as I stared at the fragile posture of my dad, I clamped a hand on my mouth, attempting to prevent the chocked sob that wanted so badly to escape my throat. I couldn't handle sitting there and watching my dad fade away; carefully placing his hand back on the bed, I shot up from my chair, running to the door, opening it, and running out of the room. I ran a few steps before my emotions took over and I collapsed. I slumped down on a chair and started wrenching, my sobs were such that I found it hard to breathe, and I was on the verge of hyperventilation. I felt a firm hand on my shoulder and looked up to see the kind sympathetic eyes of Carlisle gazing at me with sadness.
Before even thinking it over, I collapsed into his arms, sobbing my heart out as he held me, rocked me back and forth, and whispered assuring words in my ear.
I was falling apart, and he was the one pulling me together now.
After what felt like hours, I pulled back sniffing and wiping my face.
"Sorry for breaking down like this," I said my voice croaky and rough. He gave a small smile, squeezing my hand, which was held in his,
"You needed to vent for your emotions." He said, looking at me with kindness that made me want to weep again. I cleared my throat, pulling away and turning so that I was facing him, and then looked him straight in the eyes,
"Okay, I'm ready for you to tell me about his condition." I deadpanned; my voice was strong yet weak at the same time.
He looked at me, his demeanor changing into doctor mode, and then started laying the information that I needed.
"Bella, your father's condition is….."